Bittersweet Anniversary Submitted by: Jim Ford - 12/30/08 1:29 pm

Bittersweet Anniversary Mama, it's been 20 years since you died in the early morning hours of New Years Day 1989. It's so hard to believe you've been gone that long. You were so happy to be back in the house for Christmas after you and Dad separated. You, Joe Joe, and Peter had been fixing up the house and it looked so much better. You'd shared happiness and joy with so many people and it was finally your turn to have that happiness for yourself. John had just graduated Tech and moved to Houston. Janie had just turned 17 and I'd just turned 16, still at RHS. All of us to a new beginning. Mama, I'm so sorry I wasn't home New Year's Eve to help you get the black-eyed peas ready. Jason and I went to a party instead. The next morning I avoided coming home and went on to work instead cause I knew you were gonna kill me for missing New Years morning with you. I'll never ever forget Janie, Amy D, and her little brother picking me up from Captain D's after work that evening and joking that I should check on you to make sure you weren't dead; since you'd been sleeping all day. Mama, it was such a terrible feeling but I'm glad I found you and Janie didn't. I didn't want her to have to have that memory. I'm so thankful Eric Lucas came bounding across the neighborhood and just held me. Then Peter came to keep us together. It was so hard calling John John in Houston to tell him, to hear him crying and telling me, "No! No!". To call Ma in Nashville and hear her crying and through her tears, hear in her southern belle accent, "No Dahlin, she can't be gone. Mama's aren't supposed to outlive their children". To see my highschool girlfriend's Dad whose house I'd been at so many times, now coming to my house in his official duties as the coroner. Janie made me promise that night that I'd never leave her and we'd always be there for each other. We cried into each others arms and Mama... we've never broken that promise. Weeks later, I didn't understand what prolonged cardiac arrhythmia or acute myocardial infarction meant. But I heard the deafening silence of: heart attack. So hard. So hard. Looking back, it brought us so much peace and love to have both Joe Sheeler and Holly Heuer preach at your memorial service. To see men I'd looked up to for years crying, really shook me. Joe, Peter, Mr. R, and many others. I wondered if these strong men were crying, how was I at 16 supposed to be strong? I was so grateful that Joe took us up in his friend's plane to spread your ashes over Camp of the Pines. And as all 3 of us kids held onto the cloth bag Betty sewed for you, and let you spread out over the camp and lake... to feel part of you blow gently back across my cheek.... even then I knew you'd always be with me. Mama, it's been 20 years and most of my memories are now about all of the love you gave; the great things you shared, taught, and gave to me and so many others so selflessly. I wish you could've held your 6 grandchildren, helped Jane with her wedding dress, and consoled me when Melanie died. I wonder how my life would be were you still here. I'm sure many things would be different and I would've avoided many of my missteps. But for those 16 years, I'll be eternally grateful. I'm the father I am because of you. I am the survivor and I persevere no matter what because of you. I'm a go-getter because of you. Even my Halloween chili tradition.... all because of you. And most importantly, the foundation of my Faith, because of you. I'm lucky still to be your son. I love you Mama. ~ Jimmy Log in and leave some comments or go to my pictures page to get more details on many of the pics you see here.

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