Bittersweet Anniversary Submitted by: Jim Ford - 12/30/08 1:29 pm

Bittersweet Anniversary Mama, it's been 20 years since you died in the early morning hours of New Years Day 1989. It's so hard to believe you've been gone that long. You were so happy to be back in the house for Christmas after you and Dad separated. You, Joe Joe, and Peter had been fixing up the house and it looked so much better. You'd shared happiness and joy with so many people and it was finally your turn to have that happiness for yourself. John had just graduated Tech and moved to Houston. Janie had just turned 17 and I'd just turned 16, still at RHS. All of us to a new beginning. Mama, I'm so sorry I wasn't home New Year's Eve to help you get the black-eyed peas ready. Jason and I went to a party instead. The next morning I avoided coming home and went on to work instead cause I knew you were gonna kill me for missing New Years morning with you. I'll never ever forget Janie, Amy D, and her little brother picking me up from Captain D's after work that evening and joking that I should check on you to make sure you weren't dead; since you'd been sleeping all day. Mama, it was such a terrible feeling but I'm glad I found you and Janie didn't. I didn't want her to have to have that memory. I'm so thankful Eric Lucas came bounding across the neighborhood and just held me. Then Peter came to keep us together. It was so hard calling John John in Houston to tell him, to hear him crying and telling me, "No! No!". To call Ma in Nashville and hear her crying and through her tears, hear in her southern belle accent, "No Dahlin, she can't be gone. Mama's aren't supposed to outlive their children". To see my highschool girlfriend's Dad whose house I'd been at so many times, now coming to my house in his official duties as the coroner. Janie made me promise that night that I'd never leave her and we'd always be there for each other. We cried into each others arms and Mama... we've never broken that promise. Weeks later, I didn't understand what prolonged cardiac arrhythmia or acute myocardial infarction meant. But I heard the deafening silence of: heart attack. So hard. So hard. Looking back, it brought us so much peace and love to have both Joe Sheeler and Holly Heuer preach at your memorial service. To see men I'd looked up to for years crying, really shook me. Joe, Peter, Mr. R, and many others. I wondered if these strong men were crying, how was I at 16 supposed to be strong? I was so grateful that Joe took us up in his friend's plane to spread your ashes over Camp of the Pines. And as all 3 of us kids held onto the cloth bag Betty sewed for you, and let you spread out over the camp and lake... to feel part of you blow gently back across my cheek.... even then I knew you'd always be with me. Mama, it's been 20 years and most of my memories are now about all of the love you gave; the great things you shared, taught, and gave to me and so many others so selflessly. I wish you could've held your 6 grandchildren, helped Jane with her wedding dress, and consoled me when Melanie died. I wonder how my life would be were you still here. I'm sure many things would be different and I would've avoided many of my missteps. But for those 16 years, I'll be eternally grateful. I'm the father I am because of you. I am the survivor and I persevere no matter what because of you. I'm a go-getter because of you. Even my Halloween chili tradition.... all because of you. And most importantly, the foundation of my Faith, because of you. I'm lucky still to be your son. I love you Mama. ~ Jimmy Log in and leave some comments or go to my pictures page to get more details on many of the pics you see here.

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Jim Ford - 1/1/09 2:51 pm

More comments from friends on facebook. Sharon Macaskill Senn 12/31/08 12:23 pm Dear Jim, I read your tribute and without a doubt you made a big 37 yr old pregnant woman bawl!!! We loved your Mom so much... she was one of the best things that came into our lives when we moved here. All of your family was. I don't know what we would have done without y'all. I love y'all Sha Julia Posey Forsyth 12/31/08 1:42 pm That moved me to tears. What a beautiful tribute to a beautiful woman who touched so many lives. Thanks for sharing. Rory Thompson 12/31/08 2:07 pm Jim, I remember the whole thing like it was yesterday. We called each other "shugah", like the old Tennessee drawl. Great letter you wrote. Rory Nicky Macaskill Pyles 12/31/08 3:59 pm beautiful beautiful......she was an amazing woman and we all loved her dearly! very very special! thank you for sharing this with us...it is beautifully written, Jim! lots of love, Nick Nancy Carter Raggio 12/31/08 7:26 pm Very beautiful. I never knew your mom but can see her through your eyes..... Amy Denton Marshall 12/31/08 8:44 pm Jim, I can't believe it has been 20 years. I remember Jane, Trace and I watching E.T. that day and then calling my parents as they drove 100 mph to get to your house. I remember that your mother thought the world of her children and never had a negative thing to say. She would tell me how pretty I looked, but then add "but not as pretty as my Jane". I still laugh at that! She was a beatiful women inside and out who touched so many lives. I love you guys!!!! Amy D. Adrianne Haddox Smith 12/31/08 2:27 pm Just letting you know I'm thinking about you today. I read your tribute to your mom the other night. I very much remember that very sad time. Your tribute was beautiful - I know she is so very proud of all of y'all. Thanks for sharing all of those thoughts with everyone. I hope I will have as much of an impact on my children (especially my boys) as your mom had on you. Anne Schneider Lewright 01/02/09 12:26 pm Jim, your family and your home was always so full of fun when we were growing up. I loved coming over to your house! I will also never forget when this happened, and can still remember the shock and sadness. Your Mother was not just a great Mom, but a great friend to many, and an amazing person. Love to you and your family....

Kara McClung Ammons - 12/31/08 8:54 pm

I sent you a text earlier about this, but I wanted to tell you again how moved I was by this article. Love ya!

Jim Ford - 12/31/08 10:01 am

I recieved a bunch of great comments from friends on facebook. Here's a few of them: Catherine Allman 12/30/08 2:17 pm That is a beautiful tribute to your mom! Thinking about you! Krystal Williams Boies 12/30/08 2:40 pm You are pretty amazing, Jim. I can tell that was very therapeutic for you to write and publish what you did. You captured so much of your heart through your words. I wish I would have been there to help you through it, but I see you certainly survived it well. You've had more hurt than one person should have, so God must know how tough you are--even as young as you were when you began each life challenge. You obviously have a lot to offer this world and a lot to teach others! Hugs. Paula Carrere 12/30/08 4:55 pm Hi Jim. I just wanted to tell you that you posted a very nice message about your mom. She seems to have been a great lady. Our daddy passed away about 8 1/2 years ago. Time does move quickly doesn't it? I know I think of him every day still. And I smile a lot when I do. Just wanted you to know I wish you peace and happy memories tomorrow and every day. Best wishes for 2009. Londa Croall 12/30/08 10:33 pm Jim, I just wanted to tell you again how sweet your tribute to your mom is. I couldn't keep a dry eye when reading it. It's tough loosing someone and especially on a holiday. My dad lost his mom in a car accident on Christmas Eve when I was 6. We were headed to see her for Christmas and found out that she was killed. I remember it pretty clearly and cry just thinking about it. Jim , you are doing a great job raising your beautiful daughter. Just keep your mom's memory alive by sharing stories about her with your daughter. My dad shares stories all the time about my grandmother which I love to listen to him talk about her. Again you and your family are in my thoughts. your friend, Londa

Jessica Crossman - 12/31/08 9:24 am

Jim, This made me cry reading the story about your Mom. I'm sure she was an amazing person, because she raised a wonderful son, even if your time with her was short. You are a GREAT writer, and have become an amazing person. Your Mama is very proud of you and the man and father that you have become. Happy New Year! May 2009 bring you much prosperity and happiness! Jess

Karla Lowery Johnson - 12/30/08 11:13 pm

Hey Jim! Such a sad story but what great memories you have to remember. I hope you had a great Christmas and an awesome 2009. You gonna be at the firework stand? If so we will see you there.

Sunny Moon - 12/30/08 10:28 pm

Hey Jim - I wish I could reach through this computer and just hug you, Jim - you are such a special young man and your mother would definitely be so very proud of you today - you are first and foremost a wonderful dad - I know this from your emails and pictures and the way you talk about that precious baby girl all the time....I think every time Haley smiles that big rainbow smile some of your mom peeks through, I am pretty sure.... I do remember that horrible day so long ago - your words threw me back in time like no time machine could ever do....I remember so vividly your anguished call to my home....your words pouring forth in between tears....I remember my heart pounding not knowing what to say or do or how to begin to make you feel better as we walked up to your home that evening.... I can still remember where I sat in your house in the room....I can't remember anything else really in particular about the house except a tad bit about the main room but that one room is etched in my mind to this day - it is so strange to me, but the room where I sat that night - it was a back room - it must have been your bedroom....the setting is crystal as a bell..... Keep up the good walk - when you get to see your Mom in Heaven one day - know without a doubt she will indeed say "That boy is My Son!" Happy New Year Year, Jim and belated birthday - Sunny

Kara McClung Ammons - 12/30/08 8:37 pm

Jim, This was a nice article you posted. My heart was truly moved by what your wrote. You are not only a truly emotional man, but an excellent writer.

Amanda Martin - 12/30/08 3:08 pm

Jim, I'm just sitting here sobbing over your tribute to your Mom. It is so full of sadness and happiness at the same time. God bless you! It is so clear that your Mom has been with you every step of the way of the last twenty years. You are a wonderful person.

Heather Sutton - 12/30/08 2:04 pm

Thinking about ya!

Andrew Murad - 12/30/08 2:02 pm

It's hard to believe...and hard to read...so many emotions, memories, and feelings tied up in all of that. As always, I think of you, Jane, and John at New Year's. I can't believe it's been 20 years...I still remember finding out and being so shocked. You and your family were such a big part of my life for many years and I am glad that we've been able to stay in touch. Your mom was a good person and I'm glad to have known her as long as I did (especially since she did offer some of those apples to me!). Take care, Jim...and I hope you are able to celebrate the New Year amidst the memories that surround this time of year.

Amy Ringheim - 12/30/08 1:43 pm

Jim, I just finished reading this. It was absolutely beautiful. Your mom was such an awesome person. I can still remember her teaching us in Sunday school. I know she is watching you all and is so proud of the adults (and great parents) that you all 3 turned out to be.

John Ford - 12/30/08 1:16 pm

We'll all be thinking of her over this New Year's weekend. What a loving tribute and memories you have of her. Thanks for sharing with me. There were a few details that I never knew. Dad

Bill Philipbar - 12/30/08 1:03 pm

I just got done crying after reading your post.

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