Some day...I'll meet her, I still have faith Submitted by: Jim Ford - 05/12/08 8:38 pm

Some day...I'll meet her, I still have faith I've dated a true gift from God, His pure light in my arms. I've dated the most hateful cold succubus ever to scourge the earth. I've been everything to a girl, and I've been the biggest chump and lowest priority for a girl. I've learned so much over the years. I've been an incredible boyfriend while at the same time being the worst of what that girl needed at the same time. I've had to learn who I am, what kind of man I am, who I am naturally and who God made me to be. To let the sad little boy who lost his Mom..... finally find peace and tranquility after years and years of being tormented by feelings of survival mode and never letting one of my spinning plates drop. But I still have faith. I had just one true love in my life, a sweet girl that loved me for me. Surely God hasn't passed me by yet. It's so hard... but surely there's still someone for me? Or am I just that damaged... ugly on the inside... that the only girl for me is only a figment, a hazy mosaic of wistful memories... bits and pieces from all my relationships. Why do I put myself out there? Why do I try at all? Am I going to be alone forever? I can't settle for less than I want. I've tried over and over and... it's just not who I am. Have I blown my chances? Did I misspend one of God's greatest gifts? Am I now suffering the interminable pain of life alone... His plan for me either broken... or not a plan that I can yet comprehend. Was bringing Haley into this world my contribution? Without her I would know no love. Is there more for me to do? I pray every night for God's comfort and guidance. To know what He wants from me. My prayer for discernment. But I still have faith. God handed me love before. He's blessed me in so many areas of my life, even through loss and grief... He's blessed me greatly. Even through painful change and growth, through dark times, He's blessed me and kept me with Him. It's hard being patient. It's hard getting older, wanting more kids, wanting a family, wanting what we all want and many have. I hope to know love again someday. I have faith.

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